Part of life, I accept it.

Expected I will post something? Well I just need to express my feeling, what else better than words can describe my feeling now?

My friends always said that Im the toughest girl when comes to relationship thingy, you would hardly see my tears or emo action even though I am not okay, cause Im really good in hiding my feels, and pretend Im okay, I did it very very well, every time I broke up :)Last night, I raised up the problem which he dont think it was a problem, and the only replied I got was sorry. The word that I hate the most, it was the word every time when a guy doesn't love you anymore, they will definitely say sorry, and whatever he said after that was under my expectation, cause I had heard it like hundred times when a guy want to dump a girl, and i can memorize it, so i don't really care what he said after that, a sorry is enough for me to understand everything and decided to let go.

My mood was like drop to bottom, whatever my friends said to cheer me up, I just can't listen and take it. But I'm still lucky cause when I really need someone, all my close friends show up and keep my accompany, and one of my friend, he came to my house to console me at midnight until morning, which i really appreciate! if not i don know how i gonna spend my night alone in the room.

I thought that things will be good, like previously how i handle my feelings, but I guess I really put too much hope in this relationship, and the feel of losing someone you expected to spend your life with, its really heart breaking, i can feel my heart beat, its like non stop reminding me im losing him for good. The worst part is you have to face it alone, and nobody can help you, you have to overcome it yourself, its tough. I finally fell asleep this morning, and i had nightmare, i woke up, i cried, fell asleep again, and woke up, and cried, and slept, and woke up, again and again, until I was so afraid to sleep again, and i decided to go out, at least I wont feel the sad atmosphere on the bed alone, and thats why Im blogging here.

Friends feel shock cause it happened so suddenly, well problems never happen without reasons, I had kept it in my heart for so long, I convince myself that I can do it good, I respect his job, Im not an inconsiderate person, and i can be very independent when comes to love, all i want is just a little bit care, at least let me feel that he still loves me, Im okay being invisible, even I have to spend every single day alone, I dont mind. But after all I know its not my problems anymore, he changed, and i dont feel any love in our relationship anymore, and i know is time to let go. Im an ego person, when I know our relationship has become so unfair, and when my bf doesnt cherish me, i wont stay for even 1 second.

Before I actually raised up the problem with him, I talked with one of my besties, she's really good in handling man, i guess because she is tomboy too, lol, what she told me was, I dont have to keep this relationship anymore, cause he is waiting me to say break up only, she is right, I can see from his words through the msg, and Im glad that I did a good decision, though its hurt.

I feel very tired, I have to start everything all over again, cause its really hard to find a person who worth your love, and you wanted to spend your life with....I have to stop here, before i cry at the public. Time will cure my pain, I know I can do it.

-I cant feel my heart anymore-